Funny, Funny Stories From my days at Eden, P.D.

By Michael D. Martin,  E.C.P.D. Retired

About the author...Michael Martin (pictured front row, far right in the 1981 photo) is a retired veteran of 25 years on the Eden City Police Department, and has penned a number of anecdotal writings recalling his experiences.

V. Sweet Meats

When The towns of Leaksville, Spray and Draper were consolidated into Eden, I got to know Chief W.H. "Willie" Adkins. This was 1967 and I had no idea on earth how old Willie was, but he was the funniest storyteller I've ever listened to. I am going to tell you this one (and another) as best I can remember Willie told us. When I was working I always knew Willie had his morning coffee at the Railroad Cafe in Draper and I often made it a point to meet him there to listen to his stories.


     Willie said that when he was a young man, the great depression was in full swing and there were no jobs to be had and no monies to be made anywhere and a lot of things were obtained by barter (trading)   One day his brother came home with a device used to neuter hogs. This entailed removing some equipment that the boar hogs had, it made them gentle and they fattened up. This was a prized piece of equipment to have in the fall of the year when the neutering was done. At this time, the mornings were getting chilly and all the sourwood leaves had fallen. Willie and his brother decided to set out walking the next morning looking for jobs and make a dollar or two.


     Next morning early, Willie and his brother set off to cut some hogs and they had only gone a little way when they saw a neighbor sitting on his porch, an old man who lived alone and he saw the device they were carrying and he yelled  "musta Willie" ayre yaull gonna cut some hogs??? Willie admitted they were and the old man ran into his shack and came out with a tin can. He said "musta Willie, iffen you cut a hog wouldya brang me the sweetmeats?? Theys fine fried up....Willie agreed that they would do that for the old man, they took the tin can and set off for the first farm. The farmer said he had two boars that needed cutting but said."Boys, I haint got a thin dime to pay you with, all I got to trade is a half a pint of moonshine. In just a few minutes there were two sets of sweetmeats in the tin can and Willie and his brother shared the half pint and walked to the next farm where they ran into the same story, the farmer had a boar that needed cutting, and all he had was most of a pint of shine. In short order there were two more sweetmeats in the tin can and Willie and his brother took turns until the shine was gone. They kinda wobbled up to the next farmhouse where the farmer told the same sad story, he did have a boar that needed cutting but he did not have a penny to his name, all he had was a quart of wine he had made. Willie and his brother took the wine and went to the hog pen and cut the hog and all the time the farmer's dog was trying to eat them up, he was nipping at Willie's pants so Willie grabbed him and they cut him too. Willie said when I turned that dog loose he won't no more trouble.


     They decided that hog cuttin was not gonna make them any money and they staggered home, they stopped off at the old man's house and dropped off the tin can to a grateful old man and they went home and slept it off.  A day or so later Willie said he was walking past the old man's house and he was sitting on the porch. Willie asked him if he enjoyed the sweetmeats, and the old man replied "oh yea Musta Willie, they was the finest eatin atall, but dem little bitty ones sho was tough to chew!"

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